Archive for the ‘Overheard’ Category.

The things that are important to 12-year olds these days.

A story that a customer told Bonnie at the pharmacy:

A mother driving her daughters to school…

12-year old daughter: Mommy, were you a virgin when you married daddy?

The mother almost spits out her coffee. Then, without making eye contact, cautiously replies:

Mother: Yes.

A brief pause for dramatic effect, then a voice from the back seat…

5-year old daughter: Mommy, what’s a virgin?

Random Update

I’m in an ADD kind of mood, so here’s a matching entry.

Site
I got sick of moderating comment spam so I upgraded to WordPress 1.5 yesterday and chose a new theme. The latter part was way more difficult than it should have been; since getting this 20″ Dell 2005FPW widescreen LCD last month, most webpages are now huge portions of whitespace (i.e. a couple of centered, fixed width columns perfect for an 800×600 resolution, then huge columns of whitespace on either side). Out of the 50 or so available themes I could find, maybe 5 of them are actually variable width, automatically adjusting to the size of the browser window. Out of those 5, only one of them didn’t look like ass.

Work
We gave our first full-time offer to a female developer last week. We’re now also taking bets on which of us will be the first to be sent to sensitivity training.

Car
I swear my car and I must be cursed or something:

  • Last weekend Bonnie and I were changing the tires on my car back to the all-seasons. Apparently one of the rear ones picked up a screw sometime last year, and I didn’t notice when swapping to the winter tires last November. Just like last time, it’s in a place that’s unrepairable. What are the chances, really?
  • A star-shaped, stone chip crack in my windshield also appeared all of a sudden. Apparently some insurance companies will completely waive the deductable on the ~$50 repair because it’s so much cheaper than the replacement option. Not my insurance company. Sigh.
  • My brakes have started squealing, though it’s a very high-pitched squeal. The next scheduled maintenance isn’t for another 6,000KMs or so, but I guess I should take it in anyway.
  • Apparently the natural resonant frequency for my front bumper matches that of my engine when it idles around 750RPM. Needless to say, there’s a lot of vibration once the car has warmed up and I’m waiting at a stop light. It’s apparently a known issue, complete with a technical service bulletin. I guess I’ll get that fixed along with the brakes.

Money Stuff

  • The University of Waterloo is expected to open a downtown Kitchener health sciences campus, consisting primarily of a School of Pharmacy in September 2007. It will be located at King and Victoria, which is coincidentally just down the street from where we’re living right now. Go one stop light south of the proposed campus and you’ll find the abandoned Kaufman Footwear factory, which is being converted into The Kaufman Lofts. Why is this of interest? Check out the expected demographic for the Pharmacy undergrads at the new school. 85% expected from outside of the Region of Waterloo, 75% female, 90% single, 65% over the age of 23. This is practically a landlord’s wet dream: 1) Mostly out of towners that require housing. 2) Single, meaning they are more likely to rent rather than plant roots and purchase housing in the area. 3) Long term leases (the duration of their undergrad program – 4 years?). 4) Females in their mid-to-late-20’s are not likely to seriously trash the place.
  • Since the beginning of March, stock markets have lost roughly 10% of their value. This has the nice effect of weeding people out such that prices drop low enough that they just give up and sell their positions at a huge loss because they think everything is going straight to zero. In the industry they call this “capitulation”, and it is also the best time to buy. People who are not usually wrong are predicting that this will happen in the next week or two, after a further non-trivial drop. Hopefully you’ve “kept some powder dry” to take advantage.
  • My sister bought me subscriptions to RealMoney and Minyanville as belated Christmas presents. The people that write for these sites tend to be more correct than the general media because there is no conflict of interest (you pay the subscription fee to read what they’re really thinking, rather than what someone has paid them to say). The value is not so much any specific recommendations that they make, but rather skimming through the articles to get a general feel for their sentiments at any given time. Hey, if you don’t have the time to do the work yourself, why not stand on the shoulders of giants? :)

Continue reading ‘Random Update’ »

A conversation between Bob Dole and Bill Clinton

Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Kang & Kodos

Kang: The rumours are true, Kodos. Earthling females will allow placement of our genitalia in their various orifices. This fact will permit us to smugly display them like trophies in front of our Rigellian buddies, all of whom will no doubt be monstrously jealous.

And unlike those damned wenches back on Rigel IV, the Earthling females will require nothing substantial in return to maintain this clearly symbiotic relationship. If they do, we can just display our genitalia again! Gee, I sure hope that doesn’t lead to the ominous “heartbreak” thing he talks about. No matter, let us head to the Earth Capital, post-haste!

Kodos: I’m your sister, you freak.

At the Zoo

Bonnie’s little cousin from Hong Kong is here for school, so a couple weekends ago we took her to the Toronto Zoo. Funny things overheard while sitting outside the Africa Restaurant enjoying some ice cream:

  • A toddler girl slowly chasing after some seagulls, seagulls scurrying away as quickly as they can. Mother of the girl follows a few steps behind and says, “Don’t do that sweetie. How would you like it if a giant bird chased you around?” I’d pay to see that.
  • A boy maybe around 10 years old tries to feed cheese Doritos to a peacock. The peacock has had most of its tail feathers plucked, probably by boys just like this one, so it’s understandably cautious. The boy is successful feeding a couple of nachos and the peacock scurries away. There’s another peacock maybe 50 metres away, and a family is staring at it. The boy spots them then starts running with his bag of Doritos and yelling, “Yo, yo! Hey! I’m coming, don’t scare it away!
  • A large group of orthodox Jews[1] is walking by on the main road beside the food area. One of the fathers is pushing a stroller with his child in it. He looks over and sees the Harvey’s, which excites him enough to leave the stroller on a downward incline and scurry away as fast as he can into the building. Meanwhile, the stroller is slowly rolling down the hill toward some other family walking in the opposite direction. The mother of the child in the stroller is busy talking to another woman, but sees what’s happening just in time to run forward and stop the runaway stroller. The father walks out of the Harvey’s maybe 5 minutes later carrying two cups of coffee and looking all smug with himself. The mother doesn’t say anything to him, so I assume this wasn’t the first time. I swear, Darwin should have killed this guy and his child long ago.

[1] I assume they were orthodox Jews, all the males were wearing the black dress pants, white dress shirt, and black “Jew Beanie” uniform.

Zatoichi

Saw Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman a couple weeks ago. It’s enjoyable, a lighthearted, mindless samurai action flick.

Littered throughout the movie there are these interesting “cutscenes” (for lack of a better term) where the extras are doing their thing to the beat of the quirky, instrumental soundtrack. For example, Zatoichi is walking along a dirt road, and there are three guys raking a field with hoes. They’re all raking to the beat of the various instruments though. If I were more musically inclined, I’d actually be able to describe it better. You’re probably better off seeing it for yourself. Here are some torrents if it’s not playing in your area.

The end of the movie also consists of an almost 2-minute scene with all the characters tap dancing in wooden Japanese shoes, which is again, kind of strange, but interesting to see.

Anyway, as we leave the theatre and are walking along Cumberland, these two guys are walking behind us, and one says to the other, “I love how all that percussive dancing is a… simile… for how one person’s actions don’t really mean anything.” Tim and I both turn to each other and exclaim, “WTF?“.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder whether there are thousands of unemployed general arts majors sitting in coffee shops around the city, spouting crap like that and patting each other on the back all day long. I can’t believe my hard earned tax dollars help subsidize people like this. Now you know why I’d never vote NDP, I don’t want to encourage them. I don’t think there’s anything I hate more than a lazy ass that mooches off others.